Nervous?

Randi Long

Untitled by Alfred Major


Look at the ground: a faded grease stain on the dull concrete of a storage garage. The lepers of illegal smoke are banished next to a broken down Toyota on blocks, but I’m glad it’s just you and me. I can hear the sounds of a party going on outside the glass window to my left but it feels light years away. It sounds dull and steady. I feel shy. Can you tell?

Disregard the pigeons loose in my chest, their wings flap hard against my rib cage and I feel I am violently shaking. Note to self: look at the ground or say something funny. You’re making me nervous.

The breeze from an opened steel door causes me to shudder and the feel of the room changes. I am shivering but I feel less nervous. To my unimaginable surprise, I muster the confidence of a titmouse and am able to make fully formed words come from my sad little mouth; garbled at first, they become understandable and smooth. You surprise me with a memory you’ve saved for years, and I gush like a moron because I’ve saved the same. Then we toast to our uncovered similarities. Can you tell I wanted this to happen? Can you tell I’d been waiting?

Pull in slowly so I can pinch your sweater and let it snap back against your pale skin. I’ll get shy again and look at the floor. When your hands touch my neck and the sides of my cold cheeks push your lips against mine hard and then soft. Come closer so we are touching from the chest down. Wrap my tangles through your boney fingers and kiss me again so I can taste the beer on your breath. The smoke from a discarded cigarette rests on the windowsill over the glass window to my left where a party exists light years away, let it burn forever.

Wait, where am I?

The bang from a steel door closing causes me to jump and I realize I am shaking. The steady dull sounds of the party are muffled now and it’s nearly silent. I am nervous again. While my mind was wondering about secrets and kisses, I sat staring at a faded grease stain over the dull concrete of a storage garage. Did you notice? If only you knew the secret movie I shot for us in my head. But we are still just friends and I am far too shy. You joke, I laugh.

“I’m gonna go outside.”
 
 
 
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Archives: Fall 2010.

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One Response to Nervous?

  1. Suanna Davis says:

    I enjoyed hearing you read this at the launch party. You took me into that private movie and then jolted me back out. Good job!

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