A Modest Proposal

Jason Reinhardt

My fellow Americans, recent events have shown that our country is in trouble. Our people are divided and our government is gridlocked. We need a solution and I humbly offer mine.

Government by robots.

I know out of touch Hollywood producers and science fiction writers with deviant lifestyles have been pushing negative images of robocracy down the throat of regular Americans since time immemorial. Most of those images are predicated on the assumption that robots would just happen to be powered to run by human biomass. The simple fact is that due to simple biology this is not an efficient source of energy, no machines use that source today and none ever will. Today’s automatons run largely on electricity, which can easily be obtained from green sources, like wind, solar, and clean coal.

I just wanted to remind you I was here by Bryan Cope

Please do not think I am some robot loving ideologue. I merely want what is best for this country. The problems of government are large and complex, robocracy will bring minds capable of millions of calculations per second and unlimited ability to interface. Americans have already used these computational abilities to facilitate our elections. The wide introduction of electronic voting machines all across the country is a resounding endorsement of robocracy.

It may be true that the current generation of robots is not administratively capable. Many abilities of the human brain, such as the remarkable ability to make decisions with incomplete data, have not yet been artificially replicated. But the science is making advances everyday. The equally remarkable ability of the human brain to maintain a decision even when more complete data is shown makes sure our government moves at a considerably slower pace.

Our government today is unfortunately unresponsive to the people and it is a virtually intractable imbroglio. In a robocracy the solution to this would be quite simple. All we would need is for someone to go into the inner sanctum of government and gently kick something. If that does not work we can proceed to turning the government off, then quickly turning it back on. In the unlikely situation that that does not work, we could always swallow our pride and call tech support. This may mean a small cession of U.S sovereignty to India, but only in these dire situations.

Please note that I do not have holdings in steel, high-tech manufacturing or precious metals, so I do not stand to make large pecuniary gains from our adoption of robocracy. I also do not stand to gain power since I am not an android in disguise; you may see my birth certificate if you doubt that claim. The only thing I will gain is a more efficient, logical government for all.
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Archives: Fall 2010.

1 Response to A Modest Proposal

  1. Suanna Davis says:

    I thought you did an excellent job with this work.

    You did a superb job of sounding like a politician when you read it at the launch party and you also did a good job of mirroring Swift.

    Very good piece.

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